


Book 1: Contrition - Jisung's Story

by SLAYMlN



Series: The Juncture - I am: Only Human [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Australia line are brothers, Fluff, I think there's Fluff, M/M, Mom!Woojin, Popular!Felix, Sidekick!Jisung, Underage Drinking, Yedam Raesung and Jeongin are a trio, not a textfic i swear, only confirmed end game pairing is ChangLix, special appearance by Laun and Hyojin of ONF, swearing but nothing intense, teen drama
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-04
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-07-25 04:48:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16190402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SLAYMlN/pseuds/SLAYMlN
Summary: contritionkənˈtrɪʃ(ə)nnounthe state of feeling filled with a sense of guilt.Jisung was conflicted, was all this his fault because he made that stupid wish?______________________________________________15/12/2018(01:36 AM) If only I never sent that text.27/12/2018(02:59 AM) If only I didn't make that wish.01/01/2019(03:48 AM) It's like I'm being eaten up alive by this.__________________________________________________





	1. “I wish I could have what Felix has: the popularity, the hot boyfriend…I just want to feel like I matter!”

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic my friend Ally convinced me to post it.
> 
> This is the first in a 10 part series, all the parts have been planned and mapped out. Each part will be a different POV and tell a different side of the story.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy it.

**(00:05AM)** _Really Felix! Its my birthday! Hope you’re having fun fucking your boyfriend!_

 

**01:15 AM**

**PING!!!**

**PING!!!**

**PING!!!**

 

I finally look away from the small cake sitting on my desk, it’s ruined anyway the candle wax dribbled all over the cake making it inedible. I glance at my phone my eyes red from crying, I can’t believe Felix would break our birthday tradition, I mean every year the two of us hangout the day before my birthday and when the clock changes to 00:00 AM I blow out my candles and make a wish. I bet this is all Changbin’s fault, ever since they started dating Felix has been blowing me off to hangout with his stupid boyfriend. I sigh as I walk over to my phone I bet those texts were Felix apologizing for being an ass.

 

 **Woojin-Hyung**  

 **(12:45 AM)** _Dude! Get to the hospital now!_

 

 **(01:00 AM)** _OMG!_

_Seriously!_

_Where the fuck are you!?_

 

 **(01:05 AM)** _Please istg I hope you are sleeping and not sulking and ignoring my texts_

 

 **(01:10 AM)** _GET TO THE HOSPITAL NOW!!_

 

 **(01:15 AM)** _ITS FELIX AND CHAN THERES BEEN AN ACCIDENT! CHAN’S CAR WAS HIT BY A TRUCK! WHY THE FUCK AREN’T YOU PICKING UP YOUR PHONE!! I CALLED YOU 10 TIMES!!_

 

I jolt dropping my phone on the floor, I run for the door grabbing my hoodie on the way out as I rush down the stairs. My room door hits the wall with a bang.

 

“Jisung! It’s the middle of the night! Where are you going? What’s happening?”

 

“Mom! Felix! I have to go! Hospital!”

 

“Baby slow down! You’re going to the hospital! Did something happen to Felix?”

 

“No time to explain!”

 

I shove past her to make a mad grab for my bicycle in the hallway and rush out the front door to the elevator. As I run through the lobby I realize I didn’t put on any shoes, I burst through the doors and hop on my bicycle narrowly missing a cab as I hurtle down the street. I run through red traffic lights the only thing on my mind is Felix and the last text I sent to him and that stupid wish I made.

 

On the way I notice glass on the middle of the street and skid marks, the smell of burnt rubber burns my nostrils. I come to a halt, this must be where the accident happened, I look around, I feel sick to the pit of my stomach as I see a mangled bicycle off to the one side and what seems to be Chan’s rear view mirror charm that stupid slug plushy I got him for his birthday last year, I nearly hurl as I notice the splats of blood that mar the once cute plushy. A flash of bright pink catches my eye and I immediately recognize what it is, I walk over to the little shrub on the side of the road and pick up the object. Its Felix’s phone! The screen is smashed but lights up as I push the power button, I tap in the unlock code. The screen shows Felix and my open chat, I see my own text, the one the one from earlier the same one that called him out for bailing on our hangout. I glance down to see an unsent text from him:

 

_Jisung sorry I’m running late dance practice finished late tonight and I just picked up your gift Channie-hyung is trying to get me to you before your birthday starts!_

I actually hurl this time, I feel like such a dick. I pocket his phone and get back on my bicycle and continue my mad dash to the hospital.

 

The hospital comes into sight and I ignore the security guard at the gate who yells at me to slow down. I hop off my bicycle flinging it in the direction of the parking lot. I run through the doors and yell for Woojin I notice a few heads whip in my direction I ignore them I finally spot Woojin sitting outside the Emergency Trauma Unit. I rush over, I can hear his sobs and I feel the panic rising in my chest.

 

“Hyung!”, I cry.

 

“You fucking idiot where have you been!!”, yells Changbin, who appears seemingly out of thin air.

 

“Changbin!! Stop we’re all worried!”, chimes Woojin, as he jumps up.

 

“I’m sorry, how are they?”, I stammer.

 

“We don’t know jack shit! We’ve been here for over an hour already, but these fuckers won’t tell us a thing!”, Changbin grits out glaring towards the doors.

 

“Changbin! Calm down! You’re not helping Felix right now.”, Woojin says matter of factly.

 

“Jisung! Where are your shoes!?”, he suddenly cries out.

 

I look down at my bare feet and notice the bloody footprints that trail from the entrance to where I’m currently standing. Changbin gives me a sympathetic look as Woojin rushes over to a nearby nurse. My heartbeat starts elevating as Changbin gives me a once over, I can feel the blood rushing to my cheeks, for a moment I forget where we are and what’s going on. Damn, Changbin even looks good with red rimmed eyes and a swollen face from crying. Woojin and the nurse come over and I snap out of it now is not the time to fantasize about Changbin even if he happens to be the love of my life.

 

“Oh dear, lets get you patched up.” , the nurse exclaims as she reaches for my hand.

 

I follow the nurse through the doors into the Trauma Unit, we go off to the side to one of the unoccupied beds. I hop up on the table and try to catch glimpse of Felix and Chan but they must be further in as the section I’m in is pretty empty besides the nurse, myself and a kid with who I suppose is his mom.

 

“How’s my friends? They were brought in just over an hour ago.”, I ask the nurse unsurely.

 

“Oh are you referring to the accident that happened tonight?”, she asks.

 

“Yes, two brothers and a truck.”, I answer.

 

“Oh they still in critical condition it’s a shame really. The truck driver died on impact and now there are three kids in critical condition. Ah, all done.”

 

She leads me back out to Woojin and Changbin who are both sitting down and barely acknowledge my reappearance. I want to ask what happened, if they were conscious but instead I reach into my pocket and I grasp Felix’s phone. Should I hand it over to Changbin? But Felix is my best friend, we’ve been friends a lot longer than the two of them have been dating. I decide to hold on to it a little longer.

_\-------_

I hear distant voices piercing through the fog in my mind, crap I never meant to fall asleep, who’s shoulder am I sleeping on. As I come to the voices has become clearer, I eventually discern that it’s the doctor and Woojin talking.

 

“-successful, though the other one is still in critical condition.”

 

“And do you know when they will wake up?”, Woojin’s concerned voice reaches my ears.

 

“The older one Mr. Bang I believe should wake up within the next couple of days, the younger one though we cannot say we’ve treated all the physical wounds, now its up to him to do the rest but note the longer he stays in a coma the less the chances are that he will wake up.”, the doctor explains.

 

The warmth around shifts and I turn my face to chase after it, I realize if Woojin’s voice is coming from over there then this must be Changbin. I take this opportunity to take in his scent, I inhale deeply and Changbin begins to stir. I’ve always wanted to be this close to Changbin, I’ve even dreamt of this moment even fantasized about it. I recall the first time I saw Changbin.

 

*******

It was the first day of our freshman year I glance at Felix nervously and look at all the other freshmen around us in the school gym.

 

“Don’t worry, Ji, I’m sure we’ll make lots of friends.”, Felix says as he smiles at me warmly.

 

“I don’t need lots of friends, Lix, you are more than enough.”, I reply sincerely.

 

Felix and I have been friends since middle school when he transferred into my class halfway through my 2nd year in middle school. He couldn’t speak Korean well and the other kids avoided me ever since the whole pants wetting incident the previous year. I still couldn’t understand why he approached me on his first day and stuck with me ever since.

 

“Ji, the putting us into groups of three and pairing us up with a sophomore.”, Felix snapped me out of my daydreams.

 

“Han Jisung, Bang Felix and Kim Minseok, your peer facilitator is Seo Changbin.”, the teacher standing in the middle of the gym called out.

 

Felix and I with another shy looking boy rush over to Seo Changbin, wow he looks scary I think to myself, he grunts at us and walks out of the gym into the school courtyard. We follow along I make nervous eye contact with Felix and we stop by the bench underneath a huge tree.

 

“I’m Changbin as I’m sure you heard if you were paying attention, I’m here because I got caught bunking school last semester, I don’t care about you and you guys are not my friends.”, he says with a scowl.

 

I let out an accidental whimper and the others all turn towards me and Felix squeezes my hand sympathetically. Changbin just gives me a dark look and continues to explain where we are and where the admin block is and where the student centre was located. He then tells us to “fuck off” and lays himself out on the bench.

 

“shall we take a look around?”, Felix asks me.

 

I nod and we start exploring the school, I note that many of the other students peer facilitators included are looking at Felix with admiration but no one seems to notice me. Minseok seems to have found himself a different peer facilitator Hyobin I think his name was. We soon run into a teacher who demands to know where we were going and where our peer facilitator is.

 

“We’re just on our way to the bathroom Ma’am.”, I squeak.

 

“The bathrooms are the other way, Mr-?”, she drawls out with an unimpressed look on her face.

 

“Sorry Mrs. Kim, these two just ran off in search of a bathroom before I could explain where they could find them.”, Changbin answers from behind us.

 

The teacher just glares at us and stalks off, Changbin, turns to me and gives me a soft smile.

 

“Thanks for not ratting me out there, uhm sorry what was your name again?”, he says with a warm smile on his face.

 

“Jisung, Han Jisung.”, I reply nervously.

 

“I’ll remember that next time, Jisung, Han Jisung.”, he says with a chuckle.

 

I immediately feel the blush rising on my cheeks and my heart starts to pound, I briefly wonder if Felix noticed how nervous I got but Felix was glaring at Changbin.

 

“Maybe if you did your job we wouldn’t have been in that mess!”, he says abruptly.

 

*******

I open my eyes with a start as Changbin jumps up and starts cross questioning the doctor, Woojin tries to hold him back and calm him down. Suddenly it feels as if I’m underwater, Felix, my best fried and my only friend is still in critical condition. No this isn’t happening to me, no this is a nightmare it can’t be true, I follow Woojin and Changbin through the hospital corridors. Its as if I’m sitting in a theatre and everything is happening to someone else and I’m watching it through someone else’s eyes. I snap out of it as I see Felix in a bed across from Chan wires and tubes coming out from all over his body, face swollen and bruised you could barely see his freckles and bandages covering his orange hair, orange hair that matches my own. I take in all the machines around him beeping, these beeping machines where all the tubes and wires that are coming from Felix’s body were going in to, the beeping machines with all the tubes and wires that’s keeping Felix my sunshine my Felix alive.

 

The dam breaks and reality hits me like an ice-cold baseball bat to the face.

 

“FELIX!!”


	2. “Yo! Jisung, your ass made it!”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (15/10/2018 15:20 PM) Yo Felix! Chan-hyung woke up today!
> 
> (20/10/2018 01:45 AM) Felix you need to wake up please Chan-hyung isn’t in a good space!
> 
> (15/11/2018 08:30 AM) I have a good feeling about today! I’m sure today I’m getting my best  
>  friend back!
> 
> (23/12/2018 17:49 PM) I’m on my way to Ryujin’s Christmas Bash, I really miss you bro.

**-3 months later-**

 

To: **Brolix**

 

**(15/10/2018 15:20 PM)** _ Yo Felix! Chan-hyung woke up today! _

 

**(20/10/2018 01:45 AM)** _ Felix you need to wake up please Chan-hyung isn’t in a good space! _

 

**(15/11/2018 08:30 AM)** _ I have a good feeling about today! I’m sure today I’m getting my best _

_  friend back! _

 

**(23/12/2018 17:49 PM)** _ I’m on my way to Ryujin’s Christmas Bash, I really miss you bro. _

 

I check my outfit in the mirror one last time adjusting my snapback to emulate the way Felix would wear his if he were here. Should I ask Minseok if we can pop around to the hospital before we go to the party? Nah Changbin looked pretty serious when he told me I should go to this party, yeah I should probably let him spend some time alone with Felix. I check the time on my phone and opt to change the snapback for the beanie Felix got for my birthday last year. 

 

“Honey, you should eat something before going to this party.”, my says as she gently pushes my door open.

 

I barely glance her way as I try to swallow around the huge lump that decided to lodge itself in my throat and give her a shaky nod. I must look terrified as a look of worry mars her features and she pulls me into a hug.

 

“I know this is the first party you’re going to without, Felix, but Honey I’m sure he’d want you to enjoy yourself. You’ve been going to the hospital everyday, you deserve to take a break, Changbin, is right you need to get out of that negative headspace you’re in.”, she says comfortingly.

 

“I know, I know, but I can’t help feeling a little lost without, Felix, he’s my best friend and yes he’s super popular and everyone loves him but he’s never left me behind you know.”, I choke out.

 

“You’ll be fine, I mean I was worried, Felix, was your only friend!”, she exclaims as she gently shakes me by the shoulders.

 

“I mean I’ve never heard you mention Minseok or Hyojin before or this Ryujin girl!”, she says all excited.

 

That's because up until 2 months ago they never looked at me as nothing but Felix’s shadow, sidekick or ghost. Felix was the one who got invited to parties and insisted I come along with him something about it being a part of our best bros pact. I hear my phone go off its a text from Minseok telling me that he and Hyojin should be here soon.

 

“Mom don’t worry ofcourse I had other friends I just preferred spending my time with, Felix, anyway I gotta run. Don’t wait up for me and yes I will be safe and yes I will enjoy myself!”, I assure her.

 

I grab my apartment keys and head for the elevator. Lately I’ve been wearing a lot of the clothes Felix suggested I buy but was always too shy to wear. Honestly I prefer my oversized sweatshirts and tracksuit pants, I won’t deny the sudden spike in interest my classmates suddenly have for me now that i swapped the cotton sacks for skinny jeans. A sudden wolf whistle breaks into my thoughts, its Hyojin hanging out the drivers side window clearly checking me out. 

 

“Wow! Ji! Your ass looks banging in them jeans yo! Come ‘ere let me take a bi-”, he’s cut off by Minseok who cuffs him behind the head.

 

“Eyes on me hyung!”, Minseok chastises.

 

“But look at him who knew he was hiding all that cake under them loose pants!”

 

“Guys please can you do your disgusting foreplay elsewhere we’re gonna be late”, I decide to intervene.

 

Minseok at least has the decency to blush unfortunately I cannot say the same for his boyfriend, as I can literally feel his eyes on my ass as I walk around the car to sit next to some dude I didn’t notice was in the backseat the entire time. The guy simply glances at me while humming appreciatively and continues to puff on his cigarette. 

 

We pull up outside Ryujin’s house, fuck she’s rich judging from the size of this place Hyojin’s car windows rattle from the bass coming from the house, I get out the car take a deep breath and enter the house. I’m immediately blinded by a strobe light which for some reason is set up in the hallway, there are people all over the house and I’m pretty sure that cactus over there has some drunk kid trying to invade its pot. 

 

“Yo! Jisung! Your ass made it!”, Ryujin yells at me.

 

Before I can even respond I feel a hand firmly grope my ass I whirl around ready to drop the heaux, its Hyojin who just lifts his hands up in mock surrender before Minseok storms off and he runs after yelling a apologies at his furious boyfriend.

 

“That relationship must thrive on angry make up sex! Here drink this compliments from the hostess!”, she says as she shoves a plastic cup filled with blue liquid into my hand.

 

She kisses my cheek before prancing off to who knows where, I observe the contents in the cup carefully before deciding fuck it and chug the whole thing down and make my way further into the party. A chorus of Yo Jisung’s follow as I approach the dance floor and like any teen party its a mass of grinding bodies. I spot what looks like the snack and drinks area in the kitchen, yes drinks I need another drink if I’m gonna survive this night. On the way to the kitchen I nearly get assaulted by an aggressive couple making out, which on closer inspection turns out to be Hyojin and Minseok. 

 

The kitchen is packed with people guzzling down alcohol like its the last drink they will ever have, I spot a full bottle of vodka on the table and grab it and a bag of chips and make a beeline for the sliding door. A rush of relief fills me as I rest my back against the cool glass of the door I just closed.

 

“Jisung-Sunbae!”, a voice yells with far too much enthusiasm.

 

I cringe internally before opening my eyes and I’m nearly blinded by a flash from a braces covered smile. I awkwardly smile at the kid I mentored a couple of months ago. Honestly the worst decision ever I thought it would impress Changbin in a last ditch attempt to gain his affections before he and Felix started dating.

 

“Hey, Jeongpil!”, I call out, fuck i can’t remember this brats name.

 

I hear a bunch of sniggers coming from his two friends, honestly don’t even know why they laughing especially SanE’s illegitimate love child and flappy McSatellite DIshes where was he when Twice was tryna send out a signal last year. 

 

“It’s Jeongin, Jisung-sunbae, my names Jeongin!”, he says flashing another one of those solar flare like smiles my way.

 

“And this is, Yedam!”, he says and points to the mini easter island head.

 

“And this is, Raesung!”, he exclaims this time pointing to twin satellite dishes for ears.

 

“Nice to meet you guys!”, I say mocking his over-enthusiastic way of speaking.

 

I shuffle around awkwardly not really knowing what to do now that Jeongin and the paw patrol are looking at me expectantly. 

 

“You guys want some vodka?”, I offer awkwardly.

 

“Sunbae! You shouldn’t be drinking big people juice!”,Jeongin cries out sounding as if i personally offended his mother.

 

“Big people juice!? What are you fucking 5!?”, I bust out laughing.

 

“Sunbae! You shouldn’t swear!”, Raesung says cooly.

 

“Right sorry.”, I mutter while simultaneously wondering if Yedam could fit my whole head in his gaping maw. 

 

“Sunbae, why don’t you have some of our creme soda instead?”, Yedam offers after finally hinging his jaw back into place.

 

I pour a dash of vodka into my cup and grab the creme soda and fill my cup before gulping down half of my drink. I’m going to need it by the looks of things especially if I’m hanging out with Dora, Diego and Boots over here. 

 

“And can you guys please call me Jisung-hyung, none of this sunbae nonsense please.”, I say as plonk myself down into wooden bench on the side.

 

The music inside changes and the alcohol in my system pulses to the bassline of Boy Story’s Handz Up, I down my cup and take a big swig of neat vodka and jump up.

 

“C’mon guys lets go dance!”, I call out aiming to grab Raesung’s shoulder but my fingers get caught in the gravitational pull of his huge ear and I accidentally end up grabbing his earlobe.

 

Jeongin actually looks excited at this prospect and before I can even register us re-entering the kitchen. Jeongin had grabbed me by the wrist and now we were in the middle of the dance floor bouncing along to the infectious beat. I look to my left Raesung seems to be dancing as if the beat was an extension of his body, I can see the impressed looks of the other people at the party. The situation to my right was also going well they Yedam really needs to get his jaw checked out it cannot be humanly possible for his mouth to open that widely. I turn my gaze to Jeongin in front of me he’s actually kinda cute actually but then as i focus on what he’s actually doing, I freeze in shock is he trying to explain demonic possession through interpretive dance. 

I decide to ignore the reenactment of a seizure happening before me and just let loose and enjoy myself and for a second, just for a second I forget about Felix and the accident.

 

After a couple of songs we decide to back to our spot out on the deck by the kitchen along the way I snag a plate of cheese puffs and bowl of nachos. We are briefly stopped by Ryujin who eyes Raesung like a lioness eyeing a succulent buck, she then turns to me and after a brief comment on me babysitting the freshies, she proceeds to tell me that Minseok and Hyojin got into a huge fight and both of them are no longer at the party and that I’m welcome to crash here for the night.

 

“I can take him home don’t worry about Hyung, Ryujin-sunbae!”, Jeongin say with so much enthusiasm I’m sure somewhere in the world a fairy was just born.

 

Jeongin takes the bowl of nachos from my hand and replaces it with his own as we continue our trek to the deck. It’s quieter outside for the most part and the cool breeze feels great on my heated skin and the smoke and alcohol begin to clear from my mind. Jeongin and the rest of the paw patrol seem to deep in discussion and with Raesung’s eyes glancing at me every couple of seconds leads me to believe that I am the topic of discussion. I lean in closer trying to tune into their conversation.

 

“I told you this sunbae was the best!”

 

“Yeah he’s not so bad.”

 

“I can’t believe a cool sunbae hungout with us at one of the biggest parties of the year!”

 

“Guys who are you guys talking about?”, I chime in.

 

“Nothing Hyung just about how cool you are!”, Jeongin beams.

 

“Dial it back buddy.”, Raesung mutters.

 

I give them a suspicious look but think nothing of it, Jeongin’s phone dings and he pulls the device out of his pocket.

 

“My mom says she’s on her way to pick us up.”, he informs us.

 

“But it's still early!”, I complain.

“Hyung, you do know it’s almost two in the morning!”, Yedam exclaims.

 

“What!? We barely danced though!”, I try to reason shoving a handful of nachos in my mouth.

 

“We danced for almost three hours and hyung you got here just before 10PM.”, Raesung responds.

 

“Aah, Jeongin, your mom doesn’t have to take me home.”, I say to Jeongin.

 

“Hey why doesn’t hyung just join our sleepover tonight!”, suggests Yedam.

 

Everyone nods in agreement I can’t see a reason why this would be a bad idea so I agree to be the fourth member of their little sleepover. I hope I won’t come to regret this decision but it’s too late to back out now as Jeongin states that his mom is outside and that he’s already texted her about the new comer that will be joining them tonight. We get up and wave bye to Ryujin who’s killing the dance floor you’d swear it was her work place.

 

Jeongin’s mom greets us with a warm smile that instantly puts me at ease, I clamber into the back and I’m sandwiched between Raesung and Yedam. This puts me directly in Jeongin’s moms line of sight and the nerves start to pile up, I’ve only ever slept at Felix’s house and a couple of times at Woojin hyung’s place when his roommate is away for the weekend. Jeongin babbles a mile a minute filling in his mom on the events of the night, Yedam is already nodding off next to me and Raesung has already passed out and is lightly snoring away in my ear.

 

We arrive at Jeongin’s apartment and Jeongin’s mom asks me to wake up Raesung I respond by having Yedam help hoist him onto my back. As we enter the apartment i nearly trip over the shoes Jeongin and Yedam haphazardly left in the entryway. I plop Raesung down onto one of the mattresses places on the floor as the other two are already occupied by a sleepy Jeongin and Yedam. I’m about to make myself comfortable on the couch when Raesung sleepy voice calls out to me.

 

“Hyung, just share this mattress with me.” 


	3. What did the brat pack do to you dude?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a little late since I did promise myself I'd update once a week but I kept putting this off because I was struggling a little with Jisung's character development, like I know where I want this to go but I'm not exactly sure how to get him there. Hopefully this is a step in the right direction and doesn't seem like I skipped a plot point or two, oh and yeah remember that angst tag well this is only the tip of the iceberg.

*******

**To Brolix:**

 

**_(29/12/2018 17:30 PM)_ ** _I think Changbin suspects something._

 

**_(29/12/2018 21:20 PM)_ ** _I’m really sorry Lix this is all my fault._

 

**_(30/12/2018 01:38 AM)_ ** _Woojin is acting super weird like something is up with him a_ _nd Chan. I’m sure of it._

 

**_(30/12/2018 05:27 AM)_ ** _Lix why won’t you wake up the doctors aren’t too optimistic c_ _’mon man I know you can beat anything even my stupid_ _wish._

*******

"Hyung!"

 

"Hyung!"

 

"HYUNG!"

 

I bury my face deeper into the warmth hoping the noise would stop, can't they see i'm trying to sleep over here and seriously who can be this annoying early in the morning. Aahh finally sweet, sweet silence my body starts relaxing again and I start to float upwards into sleeps warm embrace.

 

"Hyung!"

 

"Hyung!"

 

"Channie-hyung!"

 

"Felix! Shut up I'm trying to sleep!”

 

“But I’m huuuungryyyyy!”

 

“Let me sleep!”

 

I pull the blanket over my head and roll over hoping to get comfy again, yes, finally silence and warmth I’m so cozy in my blanket cocoon. It’s still silent in fact it’s too silent what’s this fool planning?

 

“Oooof- Felix seriously!!”

 

“I’m hungry!”, he whines obnoxiously.

 

“Get off me!”

 

Felix then proceeds to flop around on my back like a fish out of water, I can barely breathe and my cozy cocoon starts to feel like a sauna. I need to get this lump off of me before I suffocate! I tussle around for a bit, eventually i manage to free my arm and rip the blanket off my face and fill my lungs with the precious oxygen I need, now I can take countermeasures and this situation calls for drastic measures. I take one more deep breath.

 

“WOOJINNIE-HYUNG!!”

 

“Oh shit!”, Felix exclaims as he hurries to get off of me.

 

Then I hear it, the sound of footsteps racing down the passage and up the stairs. Before, Felix, can completely get off of me, the bedroom door slams open with a loud bang.

 

“Where’s my baby!? He needs me!”, Woojin exclaims, as he’s huffing in the door way and looking around frantically. He spots me under Felix’s huge ass.

 

“Bwahahahahaha-!”

 

“Hyung! Help me!?”

 

“Okay, okay hyung’s sorry.”

 

Woojin approaches Felix and reaches out to pull him up before grinning fiendishly, and leaping on top of Felix and crushing me more!

 

“Hnnnnnng!”

 

“Get!”

 

“Off!”

 

“Of!”

 

“Me!”

 

Chan walks in after hearing all this commotion going on and pouts like the huge child he actually is.

 

“You guys started the cuddle pile without me! Rude!”

 

“Chan-hyung, please don’t, please don’t, I don’t trust that look in your eyes!”

 

“G’day mate! This is your Cap’n Bangchan speaking, let’s all hop on the S.S Jisung!”

 

“Heeeeeejoooooooooooooooblumf!”

 

The others are all laughing as Chan lands on top of Woojin and subsequently on top of me. I look at all their smiling faces as i vow to take revenge, from Felix’s wild cackling to Woojin’s elated face and Chan bright youthful face.

 

*******

 

I look back towards Chan his face haggard with the dark circles around his eyes, the stubble across his chin and the worried expression on his face. I notice Woojin isn’t around which is weird the two of them are usually inseparable, well duh I mean they are boyfriends. Come to think of it Woojin looked rather frazzled the other day, maybe I should ask Chan about that but then again Chan already looks like he has a lot on his plate. Changbin seems to be in a better condition, he looks well rested and has his hair up off his forehead. He suddenly makes eye contact with me and I can feel the blush rising on my cheeks, so I quickly turn towards Felix. Naturally the bruising and swelling went down over the last couple of months, but he’s so pale so very pale, if it weren’t for the machine’s constant regular beeps you wouldn’t be able to tell that he was alive.

 

“Well we gotta go, Jisung.”, Changbin says after checking the time on his phone.

 

“Sure, Binnie-hyung.”

 

“Haven’t heard that in while, glad to see you’ve moved on so well.”

 

Changbin gives me a strange look, i glance over at Chan but he’s lost in his own thoughts. Changbin grabs me by the elbow and pulls me out of the room, his grip is kinda tight and it’s beginning to hurt. He finally lets go a couple of blocks away from the hospital, I’m not sure if I should ask him about what he said at the hospital or what he even meant by that statement.

 

“Do you even care at all!”, he suddenly asks me, I look towards him but he isn’t looking at me.

 

“What do you even mean by that, of course I care! And I really don’t appreciate you insinuating that I don’t.”

 

“Well it’s hard to tell these days.”, he mumbles.

 

“Hard to tell!?”, I yell out in frustration.

 

“Yeah, I mean you’ve assimilated to your shiny new life quite well.”

 

“Shiny new life?”

 

“Yes, your shiny new life! You’re practically glowing these days now that you’ve finally got noticed by the ‘in crowd’.”, he chuckles bitterly during the last part.

 

“Glowing!? Hyung, I’ve been at Lix’s side whenever you couldn’t be! I’ve only gone out to socialize when you told me to! The guys at school are only looking out for me! And why do you even have a problem with this! They are our friends!”

 

“Friends!? Friends?! For fucks sake Jisung they didn’t even realize you breathed oxygen like the rest of us until a few months ago!? And now they’re your friends!? Wake the fuck up, they’re just trying to mold you into the new Felix! You’re his replacement! Not that it seems to bother you at all though.”

 

I can do nothing but look at Changbin in shock, my eyes burn with tears and my vision goes blurry. I wanna punch him in his face, he’s practically begging for it. I blink rapidly until my vision clears up and I can see it then the hurt, the accusation and the uncertainty in his eyes. It’s as if he’s looking at a stranger, I almost turn around to look behind me, a fruitless urge because I know that the stranger is me, I am the the stranger.

 

“I’m just trying to hold myself together, hyung. It’s not like you’re there to hangout with me, I don’t want their pity!”

 

His face morphs into one of confusion as if i suddenly transformed into some creature from the abyss. He takes a couple of steps forwards and his hand twitches as if he’s about to reach out to me, but it stops as i take a couple of steps backwards.

 

“No! You don’t know what it’s like to have them look at you with pity like you’re some kind of grotesque freak! What it’s like to be avoided like you got some highly contagious disease! Felix was the only one to approach me back then, the only one who actually didn’t look at me with pity! And now, now I know what it feels like to matter to be important.”

 

He recoils backwards as if being close to me would melt the flesh from his bones. The look on his face is unreadable a mixture of disgust and fear, why is there fear what could he possibly be afraid of it’s just me. It’s just loner jisung, it’s just me Jisung-minimal-friends. I can feel this rage bubbling up inside of me, thick and acidic, its bubbling up into my throat it’s so thick I could choke on it.

 

“So what are you gonna do? I already lost my only friend! Hmmm, are you gonna take my fake ones away from me too? I deserve this, I deserve the attention, I deserve the respect and I deserve to be treated like a human being! I was so sick and tired playing pretend, pretending I was okay with being ignored by my classmates and I’m definitely sick of Felix taking what was mine to begin with!”

 

“What the fuck is wrong with you!?”, he screams in my face.

 

“It’s like you wanted this to happen! It’s almost as if you wished for this! That you’ve been wanting Felix to die! Like you’ve been wishing for his life!!”

 

That slapped me so hard, harder than any physical hit ever could. It feels like the wind has been knocked out of me and suddenly it’s hard to breathe. I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe! The rage has been replaced by pure panic!

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing?”, a strange voice interrupts us, I struggle to recognise the voice through my panicked haze.

 

“Back off! This is between me and Jisung.”, Changbin grits out.

 

“You’re sick! This is your boyfriends best friend!”

 

“Yeah, why are you harassing him!”, a new voice also jumps in.

 

“Hyojin?”, I ask between my gasping breaths.

 

“Jisung! We’ll finish this later.”,Changbin says sternly and I hear his footsteps fading away.

 

“Jisung are you okay?”

 

I finally start to calm down now that I know Changbin has walked away and Hyojin’s hand rubbing comforting circles on my back starts to clear the panic from my brain. Hyojin takes my hand and leads me away, i vaguely register the security at the door.

 

“Hyojin-hyung, where are we going?”

 

“To my apartment to get you some water and a chance to gather yourself.”

 

“How did you find me?”

 

“You guys were arguing right outside of my apartment building.”

 

“Oh, I didn’t even realize where I was.”

 

“It’s okay, I rushed over when I saw Wyatt rush over to you.”

 

“Wyatt?”

 

“Yeah, my friend you’ve met him before, in the back of my car on the way to Ryujin’s party?”

 

“Oh the blonde guy! Where is he?”

 

“Don’t worry he went on ahead, I told him to.”

 

The elevator door opens on the 5th floor and he leads me down the hallway and we stop in front of his door. He keys in the password and guides me in through the front door and before I can react he’s bent over untying my shoelaces and pulling my shoes off before taking off his own. He then takes me into his room and tells me to sit on the bed.

 

“Let me get you some water or maybe tea my mom always says tea is could for calming someone done or to comfort them.”

 

“Uh water is good I guess?”

 

“Okay I’ll be right back.”, he says as he gives my back a few comforting rubs.

 

I’m completely thrown off! This is not the Hyojin I know. Where’s the flirting, the inappropriate groping, the leering or the dirty jokes. This Hyojin felt warm and comforting, I vaguely recall Minseok telling me once that Hyojin is actually really sweet and warm under all that lewd greesiness.

 

“Here you go.”, he sits next to me with the glass and continues rubbing my back.

 

“Thanks. Not just for the water you know, uh thanks for saving me back there.”, I squeeze his other hand trying to convey my gratitude.

 

I give a shudder my body feeling cold after the panic attack I had earlier, I try to subtly move closer to him, closer to his warmth. He puts arm around my waist and pulls me in closer, he continues to rub my side soothingly. He starts playing with my fingers and I notice he has really pretty hands. He hums a soft gently tune and I feel safe and warm.

 

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

 

“Hmmm, no it’s fine.”, i reply softly.

 

“You sure? I’m willing to listen to you.”

 

“I’m fine really.”, I say and I squeeze his hand again to reassure him.

 

I lean forward and kiss him.

 

*******

 

It’s tough avoiding Minseok at school, I mean what was I expecting we’re in the same class, but how can I be all chummy with him after I made out with his boyfriend! I’ve been sticking close to Ryujin and her gaggle of giggly gossip queens, much to Minseok’s confusion and Ryujin’s actually but she doesn’t tell me to beat it so there's that small comfort.

 

“You get home alright?”

 

“Huh.”

 

I’m snapped out of my thoughts by Ryujin’s question, right that's right its lunch and I’m hiding out at their table since I’m avoiding both Hyojin and Minseok. I don’t even know why I did it, why did I kiss him? Yes, I’ve always been attracted to him I mean he’s hot and all but I don’t like him like that. It must have been the ambiance and he was acting weird, yeah this is all Hyojin’s fault.

 

“What did the brat pack do to you dude?”, Yeji one of Ryujin’s giggle gang asks.

 

“Er nothing we just hung out after the party that's all.”, I reply a bit flustered.

 

“The cute one can dance really well.”, Ryujin states.

 

“Yeah they’re all pretty cute. Good job Jisung on finding some eye candy!”

 

God she’s so damn cheery all the time I think her names Chaeyub or something, I really need to get better at remembering names. Someone sits down next to me but I’m too busy trying to figure out why Ryujin finds Raesung’s ears cute to notice who it is.

 

“Having a fight with your boyfriend, Minseok?”, Chaeryeong suddenly speaks up.

 

I flinch so hard in my seat both Yeji and Ryujin give me a funny look before focusing their attention on Minseok. I desperately start looking for an escape route but Minseok suddenly grabs my my wrist underneath the table.

 

“And why would you ask me something that is clearly none of your business?”, Minseok replies voice laced with boredom.

 

“I mean he’s looking over here all forlorn like a lost puppy needing some love.”

 

“And I suppose you’re the one who can give him the love he’s oh so desperately needing?”

 

“Whatever could you mean by that?”

 

The rest of us are watching this back and forth between Minseok and Chaeryeong like it’s the championship tennis final at Wimbledon. Neither one of us wanting to intervene knowing that we risk falling victim to Minseok’s wrath.

 

“Oh don’t play cute with me little miss home wrecker.”, he replies sassily.

 

“Home wrecker!?”

 

“Go find a relationship carcass elsewhere you hyena!”, Minseok barks at her.

 

Chaeryeong recoils as if Minseok spat acid in her face and glances at her friends who don’t immediately jump to her defence, before she jumps up and races out the cafeteria with tears in her eyes. Minseok still hasn’t let go of my wrist I’m actually beginning to get nervous, did Hyojin spill the beans? Is Minseok here to make a spectacle out of me? Is he gonna beat the shit outta me?

 

“What’s got you so tense Sungie?”, he asks with genuine concern.

 

“Oh nothing, just tired is all.”

 

Before Minseok can reply I sense someone come up behind me and judging by the delighted look on Ryujin’s face, I know it can only be one person.

 

“Hyung! The spot in my bed is barely cold from when you left it and you already found someone else? Wow, Hyung truly is heartless.”

 

“Yeah, Hyung, you sure move on quickly.”, Yedam adds on.

 

“You knew him five minutes and you were already in his bed?”, Ryujin exclaims sounding mildly impressed.

 

“Nothing like that even happened we just shared a bed after the party nothing else happened!”

 

“True Jisung is too much of a pussy to even attempt anything.”, interjects Minseok.

 

“Hey! Stop picking on Jisung-hyung or I’ll knock your fugding teeth out.”

 

“What the hell man what are you fucking five?”

 

“Minseok! Leave Jeongbeom alone!”

 

“Jisung-hyung! My name is Jeongin, Yang Jeongin.”

 

I feel eyes bore into me I look around and I notice Changbin watching me disapprovingly from across the room. I suppress a shudder, did it suddenly get colder in the room? I admit I’ve always found Changbin’s glare hella attractive but its not as nice being on the receiving end of it. He continues to glare at me while the others at the table bicker back and forth before walking away.

 

“Jisung-hyung are you okay? You seemed a little spaced out there for a second.”, Jeongin asks voice full of concern.


	4. Y’all are as noisy as a bunch of puppies in a box

*******

  
**To: Brolix**

 

 **(31/12/2018 17:02 PM)** You’re missing out on so much dude! I’m gathering my courage I’m gonna do it. Tonight! I’d say wish me luck but….

 **(01/01/2019 14:58 PM)** I’m so sorry Felix. Please don’t hate me when you wake up. I’m begging you please don’t hate me!

  
*******

  
My heart is pounding. Changbin is playing around with his friends in the hot sun, he looks so cool even though his hair is plastered to his forehead due to the sweat and there are dark wet patches on the front and back of his shirt, his face breaks into a wide grin as he looks over at us. He’s absolutely beautiful. Felix scoffs next to me, I look to my right in time to see Felix flip Changbin the bird before huffing and looking back down at his phone. I turn to look back at the field to continue watching Changbin.

 

“Hmmmpf!”

  
“Felix? Is everything okay?”, I ask worried by the strange look on Felix’s face.  
“It’s nothing.”

 

Felix looks at me for another second or so before looking back down at his phone. Should I tell him? Or is this something I should keep to myself? But isn’t this something best friends tell each other? My internal debate must be showing on my face because Felix is looking at me again face full of concern and curiosity. Should I tell him about my crush on Changbin, I mean how will he take it he practically hates Changbin’s guts. What if he stops being friends with me! I can’t go back to being the weird kid with no friends again. The air around suddenly feels thick and viscous. I can’t breathe the panic clawing at my throat ripping it to shreds at the very thought of losing Felix.

 

“Woah there buddy breathe.”

  
“Slow and deep it’s okay, it’s okay, you know you can tell me anything right?”  
“I know Lix, I know.”

 

Slowly my breathing starts to regulate and the beast trying to burst through my rib cage settles down after a few deep and steady breaths. I’m gonna tell him perhaps he will help me confess to Changbin. I should trust him he is my best friend after all.

 

“Lix, I need to tell you something.”, I can feel the blood rushing to my cheeks.

  
“Sure Ji, I’m listening.”, he turns his full attention towards me putting his phone down next to him on the grass.

  
“Uhm so I k-k-kinda have one of those you know crush things on another human being.”

  
“Gosh I would sure hope so because I don’t know how to handle it if you had a crush on my neighbour’s dog or something. Wow I’m so relieved, I mean you do look at Peanut like he’s some kind of snack!”

  
“Oh my god! Lix, shut up and be serious for a second please!”, I beg.

  
“Okay, okay!”, he puts his hands up in mock surrender.

  
“So I have a crush on this guy and I was wondering if you’d help me confess?”

  
“Sure! Ji, I’ll help you! We could even do a double confession!”

  
“Yeah! We can set up something real nice do you think Chang-“

  
“Oh my gosh I can’t believe you’re gonna help me confess to Changbin!”, he squeals as my heart shatters into a sawdust.

  
“Hmmm, Ji, who do you wanna confess to? Wait I think I heard you say Channie-hyung just now. No! You can’t I know my brother for some reason is considered attractive by others I mean ewww I saw him make a mud pie and stick raw broccoli in it and eat it!”, he chatters away blissfully unaware of my internal struggle.

 

He likes Changbin!? I can’t tell him who I really like now, he’s gonna be uncomfortable cause we like the same guy and then it will be awkward when we hangout and then we’ll start avoiding each other and then he’ll hangout with his other friends and I’ll end up all alone. No! He can’t under any circumstances find out I like Changbin!

 

“Yeah, I have a crush on Channie-hyung, I mean I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not but recently your brother’s been working out and his biceps are just so-“

  
“Euw! What the hell! Ji! I do not and I repeat I do not wanna hear about your fantasies concerning my brother!”

  
“Sorry.”, I reply sheepishly.

  
“And besides it would never work out, no offence but I’m pretty sure my brother is like in love with Woojin-hyung. Sorry bro.”, he adds while patting my back sympathetically.

  
*******

  
“Hyung.”

  
“Hyung.”

  
“Hyung.”

 

A voice breaks through the haze the haze that is my mind, it’s a pleasant voice all soft and dripping with honey. My vision suddenly goes white behind my eyelids as a lightning bolt of pain shoots through my brain. As the pain settles I try to gather my thoughts about where I am and why my mouth feels like I have a wad of cotton balls in my mouth. I try to lick my lips, which burns as my sandpaper tongue rubs over the rough cracked surface of my lips, I wince and try to swallow only to wince as it feels like I just swallowed a handful of razor blades and the white hot pain strikes my brain for a second time. After the pain subsides for a second time I note the dull throbbing coming my left cheek which intensifies the more conscious I become. I am dying, I must be this is the only explanation I can come up with in my fog riddled brain.

  
“Fuck he looks like shit!”

  
“Raesung watch your profanity!”

  
“Yeah! Raesung mind your language, but Jeongin you gotta admit Jisung-hyung doesn’t look good.”, a third voice adds.

  
“Oh my god shut the fu-“, Jeongin glares at me, “Fudge up, y’all are as noisy as a bunch of puppies in a box and I’m dying do you guys have no respect!”, I interrupt their little screaming match.

  
“Oh would you like some of my juice box hyung its apple flavour?”

  
“Er thank you, Jeongin, but could I get some water instead and a painkiller my head and face is throbbing.”, I whine in response.

  
“Well considering you downed more than half a bottle of vodka, finished several bottles of soju and attacked Changbin sunbae with your lips which resulted in him giving you a Ryu level right hook. I am honestly surprised you’re alive right now.”, Raesung says sounding kinda upset.

 

The pain hits me again rendering me senseless for a few seconds. As the pain fades away again, it hits me exactly what Raesung said!

  
I!

  
Attacked!

  
Changbin!

  
With!

  
My!

  
Lips!

  
Did I really attempt to make out with Felix’s boyfriend! What the hell is wrong with me! Felix absolutely cannot find out but won’t Changbin tell him after he wakes up, if he wakes up? No, no I cannot think like that Felix will definitely wake up but shit I tried to kiss his boyfriend.

  
“Woah! I think he went into shock.”, Yedam’s massive head suddenly pops into my vision making me cringe and sending another bolt of pain through my brain.

  
“And that’s not even the best part!”, Jeongin exclaims excitedly.

  
“Shhhhhhhh! Inside voices please!”, I groan holding my head.

  
“Yeah after Changbin sunbae punched you in the face, Hyojin sunbae came running and leaped over the couch and punched Changbin sunbae and started a full on brawl with him!”, Jeongin cuts in.

  
“And then, Minseok sunbae, yelled at Hyojin sunbae, no he screamed at Hyojin and I quote “wait did you ‘boinking’ him too!” I said boinking because Jeongin doesn’t like it when I saw fuck or any variation of the word!”, Raesung finishes.

  
“Oh you forgot the part where Hyojin called him a whore, a loser and a 2 cent knock off of Felix if he were a tragic cliché of a loser!”, Jeongin cuffs Yedam at the back of his head.

  
“Learn some tact you buffoon!”

  
“You’re lucky Wyatt sunbae picked you up off the floor and drove you over to your place you were knocked the fuck out, your parents weren’t home they left a note, they went to down to Daegu for the week and Jeongin was worried that you’d die if you were on your own so we camped out in your room. If you wanted to kiss someone so badly you coulda just kissed me hyung.”, Raesung fills me in on the last of last nights adventures, man I really started of the new year with a bang.

  
Jeongin’s fingers carding through my hair is such a soothing sensation it helps keep the pain at a bearable level and Yedam finally brings me that glass of water and two pain killers. I gulp them down and immediately I choke on the water and start hacking my kidneys out. Jeongin pats my back slow down hyung, that’s when I realise the warm pillow I’ve been resting on was Jeongin’s thigh. I take another big gulp-

 

“pppppppwwwwwwwhhhhh! What you mean I shoulda kissed you!?”, I exclaim spraying water all over Yedam.

  
“Hyung euw I thought you were cool but you just spat all over me.”, Yedam whines like the 2 year old he is.

  
“I don’t know how to put this delicately? I think you’re cool and cute and kinda hot and I’d pursue you myself if it wasn’t for-“

  
“If it wasn’t for the fact that you’re obviously in love with Changbin sunbae!”, Jeongin rudely interrupts Raesung.

  
The painkillers finally kick in as I can feel my mind getting hazy and my eyelids were starting to get heavy. Something cool is being rubbed into my smarting left cheek, it feels nice before unconsciousness takes a hold of me I see Jeongin smiling at me fondly before lifting up a tube of bruise gel and applying it to my left cheek. Finally the pain is gone and I sink into the darkness.

  
*******

  
The faint beeping rouses me from my sleep, I blink the sleepiness away, I’m in Felix’s hospital room and everyone is here Woojin, Chan and Changbin. No one’s speaking everyone is just looking at Felix somberly and no one seems to take notice that I’m awake. I call out to them, but they don’t respond, even when I wave my hand in front of Woojin’s face which is weird because Woojin never ignores me. Suddenly they all turn to me and start walking towards the door and as they pass me each of them pat me on the shoulder and give it a squeeze. Once I’m alone in the room I approach Felix’s bed, I reach out to and card my fingers through his hair, he looks so peaceful.  
As I turn around a slight movement in the corner of my eye, but Felix is still in a coma and lying there still as death. Again, I turn towards the door and as I take my first step to leaving the room, a hand grabs my wrist. I whirl around and see Felix sitting up, but he is looking downwards to his lap, I’m about to run to call the nurse but suddenly there’s no hospital room around us just darkness the only light seems to a lone lamp hanging over Felix’s bed. Felix swings his legs out from under the blanket and finally raises his head to look at me, when he meets my eyes, I’m taken aback by the amount of anger and hate in his eyes.

 

“Hi Jisung.”

 

The amount of coldness in his voice makes me shudder and I cross my arms and rub my upper arms to try and combat the sudden chill in the air.

 

“ I’m so ha-“

  
“Happy to see me.”

  
“Yes, I missed you so much, you don’t know how long I waited to say that I’m-“

  
“Sorry?”

  
“Yeah to say I’m sor-“

  
“I don’t wanna fucking hear it!”

  
I flinch at the sheer volume of the last statement, Felix’s face is contorted into something ugly a mixture of hate, anger and disgust. I reach a hand out towards him, but he shifts just out of my reach, Felix never avoids my touch. Memories of my time in elementary school when the kids wouldn’t let me interact with them or get close enough to touch or else they’d catch my weird, Felix avoiding my touch makes me feel like I’m dirty or infected by some gross disease. It hurts, it really fucking hurts my eyes start stinging, they burn with unshed tears.

 

“This is all your fault you know.”

  
“Look Lix-“

  
“You no longer get to call me that!”, he spits at me.

  
“Felix, please just hear me out!”, I plead.

  
“Hear you out! Hear you out! You’re reason I’m in this mess to begin with!”

  
“You and your stupid wish!”

  
“I didn’t mean it, when I made that wish!”

  
“I wouldn’t wish this upon my worst enemy and yet you wished it upon me!”

  
“When did you become such a whore anyway? Going after your friends’ boyfriends, Jisung!”

  
“I didn’t mean it with Hyojin it just happened! And, Changbin, I know how much he means to y-“

  
“Means to me! Means to me! I saw the way you looked at him when you thought I wasn’t looking! I know you’re in love with him!”

  
“FELIX! Please just listen to me!”

  
“No! You listen to me now! You need to take responsibility for what you did! It should be you lying in this hospital bed instead of me! This is all your fault!”

 

Suddenly everyone who left the room reappears around me and they’re all chanting the same thing, the chanting getting louder and louder, the chanting of “This is all your fault!”, gets so loud I can barely hear anything else. They all come closer their eyes burning with hate and anger, I curl into a little ball with my hands over my ears, I’m screaming at them to stop, to please stop but the keep getting closer and closer, their voices getting louder and louder and then I feel their cold hands grabbing onto my arms and legs! I take a deep breath and scream with everything I have.

 

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

 

“Hyung! It’s okay, I got you!”

 

I feel myself being embraced by someone, but my panicked brain cannot seem to differentiate the nightmare from reality. The person holds my tighter and keeps whispering reassurances into my ear, eventually I begin to calm down as I start to feel safe in the persons warm embrace.

 

“Hyung, you’re safe I got, you had a really bad dream.”

  
“Jeongin, is that you?”

  
Yes, hyung, its me. Don’t worry everyone else went home its just me and you.”

  
“Jeongin, its all my fault the accident and Felix’s coma!”, my voice cracks and the dam.

 

For the second time ever since the accident I cry in someone’s arms, for the first time ever I let it all out, I cry from the bottom of my soul, I release all my pent up feelings and Jeongin, warm and patient Jeongin holds me through it all, holding me tightly, right now Jeongin is the only thing keeping me together.

 

Without Jeongin holding me together, I would fall apart and I would never be able to put myself back together again.


	5. “I should never have befriended you.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where everything goes to shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is late but I've really been super busy I had finals which started around the 5th of November and then I got super busy with preparing for a dance performance which took place on the 2nd of December. I then thought I was free when i got an email which said i had to write a supplementary exam and after that I was reminded that my cousins bachelor party was soon on the 15th of December ans as the best man i had a lot of planning to do. Anyway long story short I got really busy with life and stuff, I just want to note that yes this is the last chapter for Jisungs story at this point in the overall time line.

I can’t find it anywhere; my room is a complete mess I run my hand through my hair grabbing a fistful and tugging hard. The sharp pain dancing across my scalp does nothing to jog my memory, I turn on the spot willing it to jump out at me from the piles of clothes I threw on the floor, the draws lying to one side their contents strewn across the floor and my school bag thrown somewhere around the vicinity of my door. Running out of ideas I grab hold of the sheet on my bed and with one strong pull send my mattress and all the things that were on my bed cascading to the floor.

“Jisung! Sweety you’re gonna be late for school!”

“I- err-" 

Yet again, I do another quick sweep around the room, before moving to the door picking up my bag and stuffing my school things back inside. Again, I look at the floor not seeing a sign of the damn device. My chest is ablaze, I can’t seem to take in the air my body so desperately needs, this feeling, the feeling of panic ripping my throat to shreds. In fact, this feeling is so familiar it almost feels like home and I start clawing my throat in a desperate attempt to make it work. It seems to do the trick as my lungs are filled with oxygen and before relief can settle across my skin which is slick with sweat from my little panic attack, yeah, I’ve been having them quite frequently ever since my nightmare a few days ago the one where Jeongin kept me from falling apart.

The full weight of the situation almost crushes me as it falls on my shoulders, the reason why my room looks like the police came and did a drug raid and that reason is Felix’s phone is gone, yes, the very device I’ve been spilling my guts to via text messaging, its gone!

“Han Jisung! Get your ass down here and out this door right now!”

***

I try to ignore there staring kids and whispers as I make my way down the hallway, which is a surprisingly easy feat but that’s all thanks to my dilemma of Felix’s missing phone. I’m jolted back to reality by a sudden pain emanating from my shoulder down my arm rendering it numb. I look around only to see some random upper-class man had shoulder checked me. I try to massage some feeling back into my arm as I continue to make my way to class, its getting harder now to ignore the whispers.

“Oh, there he goes.”

“I can’t believe he’d dare show his face after what he did at the party.”

“Who knew Felix’s little dog would be in the business of home wrecking.”

“Hahaha, maybe he’s going through heat.”

“Oh, is that what we call being a slut now, ‘going through heat’!”

“A home wrecking slut! Get your labels right, can’t believe Hyojin would cheat on Minseok with such lowlife trash.”

I keep my head low and speed up my steps, I’m nearly there. A couple more steps and I can breathe a sigh of relief. I cross the threshold of my homeroom and rush over to my desk at the back of the room, trying not to look to my right where Felix’s empty desk stood. I sink into my seat hoping my throbbing headache would subside, the lack of sleep is really taking a toll on my body every movement feels like torture. The feeling has since slowly started coming back in my arm, I can practically feel the bruise blossoming across my skin. Then the voice I dread hearing every day since the party.

“Morning girls, boys and the filthy little slut in the back!”, Minseok sneers venomously, I try to shrink in my seat. I close my eyes wishing and praying with all my might that some powerful deity could descend and smite me with their power and wipe my existence from the face of the Earth.

I can hear Minseok’s footsteps coming closer each step filling my body with dread, I stare at my desk as if it held the secrets of eternal life carved into its surface. Since the party and my attacking Changbin with my lips and Hyojin jumping to my rescue from a very angry Changbin and Minseok somehow getting it into his head that I’ve been seducing his boyfriend, I mean ex-boyfriend, Minseok has made it his mission to humiliate me first by telling everyone what a slut I am and then by taking every chance he gets to call me a filthy slut. My thoughts are interrupted again but this time by the sensation of something slimy and freezing being poured on my head and dripping down my back and down the front of my face.

“Oh, my it doesn’t seem to be working! I’m pretty sure I asked the lady at the smoothie store this morning to add a double helping of slut repellent into my berry zinger smoother!”

The cold smoothie seeps into my clothes but I dare not try to move especially if I want to avoid a repeat of yesterday when Minseok answered my protests with more humiliation by getting his fan club to pour their drinks out on me as well. Suddenly someone takes a firm hold on my wrist and tugs me out of my seat and out of my homeroom, I try to free myself from this new attacker’s tight grip. I’m shoved into the bathroom and the door shuts with a loud bang and the lock clicks as the bathroom door is locked. Fear keeps me rooted on the spot and my attacker approaches gathering all my courage I raise my head to meet my attackers’ eyes only to have my eyes drawn to two huge flaps on the side of my attackers’ head and I sag in relief.

“Raesung!”

“Hyung, why do you allow him to do that to you?”

“He’s right though I shouldn’t have involved myself in their relationship.”, I reply dejectedly.

“But what happened between you and Hyojin-ssi?”

“Nothing as bad as what the rumours are saying, we just made out on his bed once and that that night at the party.”

“Anyway, Hyung that’s not the point, let’s get you out of those ruined clothes, you can wear my extra shirt I brought today, I can skip soccer with the boys at lunch break.”

Raesung swung the bag I just noticed he had on his back before rummaging through it and pulling out a pristine white shirt, how it managed to stay so crisp only he would know, unless those huge ears have some sort of magical abilities. I pull off my blazer and hand it to Raesung who proceeds to rinse the smoothie off the material, I pull of my shirt and button his clean one up. I turn to him and see he’s managed to get the smoothie off my blazer but managed to completely soak it in the process.

“Err sorry about that, you can wear mine? Actually, this is Yedam’s, but I don’t think he’ll mind much. He accidentally ripped mine during one of his clumsy spells.”, he says sheepishly as he hands me the blazer.

“I gotta go now Hyung or I’ll be late for class!”, he says while jogging towards the door he’s gone before I can even say thanks.

Damn I’m going to have to go to the arts classroom and see if they have a plastic packet or at least some place I can hang my jacket out to dry. I glance in the mirror and see that my hair is still a mess and the there’s still smoothie on my face, I go over to the basins and duck my head under the water coming from the tap. I just managed to get all the smoothie out when I hear one of the bathroom stalls behind me swing open my hair is wet, and the water is dripping in my eyes, so I can’t tell who it is, the person doesn’t approach me just stays within the confines of the stall.

“This is all your fault you know.”

“First you wish for my life.”, the voice chuckles its oddly familiar.

“Then you go around wrecking peoples relationships.”

“And now you’re seducing cute freshman!”

“Didn’t know my best friend was a back stabber and a little whore!”

I screw my eyes shut willing the person to stop, to stop painting me out to be this bad horrible person but wait a second, he called me his best friend, so that must mean its Felix. My eyes snap open but when I look there’s nobody there, the toilet stall door is still closed, I walk over and push all the doors wide open, but all the stalls are empty. I rush out into the hallway but there’s no one there one of the classroom doors swing open and Jeongin comes out looking worried, he rushes over to me and checks my face, hair and clothes.

“Raesung, he texted me to tell me what happened! Are you okay?”

“Jeongin, I’m fine, I promise this nothing I can’t handle.”, I try to smile reassuringly.

“Hyung! Fine! Fine! You’re clearly not fine! The dark rings around your eyes are getting darker, when you walk it seems like all your energy has been drained, you’re skittish and downright jumpy!”

“It’s nothing I just need a nap and I’ll be as right as rain.”

“When’s the last time you’ve had a proper night’s sleep, Hyung. What’s eating at you so much? Tell me? Please you’ve been acting like someone who’s committed a murder or something these past few days, what’s up? You can talk to me.”, he pleads his voice coloured with worry and concern. 

I walk past Jeongin giving him what I hope was a reassuring smile ignoring the crest fallen look on his face and make my way to my English class. I sink into my seat pretending the whispers of me getting a jolly good time in the bathroom isn’t happening, I lay my head on my folded arms and close my eyes.

***

“It’s all your fault.”

“How could you do this to me.”

“Those kids back then were right you are dirty.”

“I should never have befriended you.”

The voice startled me out of my sleep, it was like Felix was right there behind me. This is the reason why I can’t sleep my sub-conscious is plagued with Felix’s voice accusing me, well he’s not wrong I have made quite a mess of things but the venom in his voice and the sheer disappointment in his eyes keeps me awake at night. At night I lie awake thinking about what Felix would do if he was in my situation, Felix wouldn’t have to do anything because Felix is kind, warm and loving and would never wish for something bad to happen to me. That kid was right when he cornered me in the bathroom after Felix decided to befriend me, his words have been running through my mind. How I shouldn’t talk to Felix because I’d just taint him with my filth, that disgusting things like me don’t deserve friends and that it would be better if I just disappeared. I could handle it back then because Felix was all I needed, as long as Felix deemed me enough to keep talking to me then no one else’s opinion mattered. In the end that kid was right I tainted Felix’s kindness with my jealousy, I really don’t deserve friends because look I wished ill upon the only one, I had, maybe I should have just disappeared. Not only did I do those things to Felix I also tainted Minseok and Hyojin’s relationship, dragged the paw patrol’s reputation through the dirt just by them associating themselves with me and a person, if I can even call myself, like me doesn’t deserve friends.

“Hey, what did that desk do to you?”

“Changbin-hyung! What are you doing in my English class, you can’t just waltz in during a lesson!”

“Jisung, your class ended 5 minutes ago. I walked passed and saw you glaring at the desk as if it drove over your favourite kitten.”, he says, I delude myself into hearing actual concern in his voice.

“Oh, no the desk didn’t do anything, I err-…I just- “, I release a huge sigh.

“I just got a lot on my mind, that’s all and I really just miss my best friend, god I just missing him so fucking much, that it actually hurts.”, I can feel my eyes start to sting.

“Well Ji, maybe if you didn’t do what you did you wouldn’t be feeling like this now.”, he says off handed tone, I freeze up like someone just dunked me into an iceberg, which is stupid because how is that even physically possible.

“Ji! There’s no reason to look that guilty, I mean you should have talked about what you were feeling instead of bottling it all up and pretending to be fine. Also, I should not have yelled at you in the street and accuse you of those horrendous things.”, he offers an apologetic smile.

“No, Binnie-hyung you were right to yell at me, you were right when you said all those things, I’m a terrible person and I shouldn’t have…”, I trail off looking at the floor.

“Jisung, are you sure you’re okay? You know what I’m gonna call Woojin-hyung to come pick you up.”, he dials Woojin’s number but doesn’t take his off me for longer than he needs to, to complete the task.

I tune out Changbin’s hushed and hurried conversation with Woojin, Changbin is holding my wrist rubbing comforting circles against my skin. I hear a familiar cackle from down the hall, its Minseok, god did his laugh always sound so sinister. I try to tug my arm out of Changbin’s grip and I can hear the footsteps of my fellow classmates coming closer the short break between my two English lessons are nearly over. Changbin grips my arm firmly and tugs me closer to him, it goes deathly quiet, I can’t even hear anyone breathing.

“Well, Well, I guess that quickie in the bathroom during first period wasn’t enough for you hey, oh oooooh, did you have two quickies considering the shirt you’re wearing, and that blazer has two different student ID’s on them, must be because none of those ID’s are your own.”

“Back off Minseok, you don’t know what you’re talking about!”, Changbin grits out.

“Oh! Changbin-ssi, you’re going for a free ride too? You sure you want to?”

“Listen here you cheap-ass, dumb bitch- “

**BEEP**

“Can Han Jisung please report to the front desk immediately. I repeat can Han Jisung please report to the front desk immediately, your hyung is here to fetch you.”

Never have I ever been so grateful for the intercom system than I am right now, relief rushes into my body. Changbin grabs my bag and my things and pulls me out of the classroom and down the stairs towards the schools’ front desk. He’s silent on the way but I can sense the rage rolling off him in waves, he huffs and spins around and pulls me into his arms and hugs me tight.

“I’m sorry for what happened at the party, I shouldn’t have reacted that way, you were clearly drunk, and I should have taken that into consideration.”

And with that he pushes me gently through the doors and into the admin building, where I hear Woojin’s soft voice coming from the foyer, I look behind me and Changbin is gone. I make my way forward towards the sound of Woojin’s voice and I manage to catch the last bit of his question.

“-are you sure there isn’t a Shin Minsung enrolled in this school?”

“I’m sorry sir we have no record of a student by that name. I’m sorry that can’t help such a handsome fellow such as your- “

“Woojin-hyung!”, I rudely interrupt the lady at the front desk, I look at the wooden name card on the desk Im Nayeon it read, “Oh good morning ajumma, I hope my hyung wasn’t boring you?”

“Jisung! I’m not boring!”, Woojin snaps.

“Of course, you aren’t hyung.”

“Woah! Jisung, you look like shit.”, he suddenly blurts out, “Sorry, I mean you look like you’ve seen better days.”

“It’s okay hyung, I know I look worse for wear, let’s go.”, reply tiredly.

With that Woojin slings his arms around my shoulders and guides me out through the front doors and towards the gates but not before offering Nayeon an apologetic smile.

***

Woojin throws open the door to his dorm room, and plops down on the bed on his side of the room. His roommate must still be in class or out doing some college social thing. I throw myself down on the bed next to Woojin and sigh contentedly, I pull out my phone and shoot my mom a quick text about my where abouts. Not forgetting to add in that I’m not feeling well and that she shouldn’t worry because hyung is taking care of me.

“Hyung, who’s Shin Minsung?”, I enquire curiously, trying to focus on anything but my own thoughts and feelings.

“Oh, just someone I met at the hospital, but that’s not the real issue here now is it.”

“Hyung, I’d rather not talk about that, I don’t know what Changbin-hyung told you on the phone, but I just need some sleep.”, I reply trying to sound as reassuring as possible.”

“Okay, okay but first eat something before taking a nap, we will talk about this when you wake up though.”, he says sternly as he walks over to the little bar fridge between the two desks under the window and pulls out a sandwich which he hands over to me. After finishing the sandwich, I curl up on Woojin’s bed and give into the exhaustion.

I jolt awake, it’s the nightmare again the same one that’s been plaguing my dreams since that night Jeongin slept over. Its dark in the room and I hear more than feel Woojin shift next to me, it feels late but its around 10pm according to my phone. I feel the sudden urge to leave, no I need to leave before I taint Woojin with my filth, I need to leave before Woojin ends up like Felix. I grab my things leave a quick note, I notice that the papers scattered across Woojin’s desk is all about the accident he seems to be looking into it. Panic fills my chest what if he finds out that all of this is my fault, I feel someone’s eyes on me. I glance back at Woojin but he’s sound asleep, so I look at his roommates’ bed but Youngjae-ssi is fast asleep. A soft voice whispers from somewhere in the dark:

“You should go before Woojin-hyung ends up like me!”

I look around frantically but there’s no one in sight besides the two sleeping figures. So, I rush out the door making sure to close it carefully behind me and I continue to make my way out into the cold night. Felix keeps haunting me revealing ugly truths about myself, I wish he’d stop, I wish I could just sleep all I want is to have a decent night’s sleep. A figure darts into the shadows, I inhale sharply and walk in that direction. I follow the figure trying to catch up with it, eventually the figure slips into a dark alley and follow suit. I call out to Felix softly in the dark but I get no response, when I round the corner I see a sight that rattles me to my core, there lying on the dirty ground is Felix face all bloody and swollen his body lying in an uncomfortable position, I gasp my mouth open in a silent scream. Suddenly a hand clamps down on my shoulder and before I can shriek another hand clamps over my mouth.

“Hey, hey, relax its just me!”, a rather familiar voice whispers in my ear. It takes me a few seconds to register that its Hyojin and I sag in relief.

“What are you doing out here in the cold and still in your school uniform?”, he questions but I pay him no attention I look back at the dirty floor but there’s no bloodied Felix lying on the ground.

“Hey! Let’s get you out of the cold okay, my apartments just around the corner you’re lucky I was out on my way to the convenience store, when I saw you skulking into this dodgy alleyway.”

“Okay.”, I simply reply.

Hyojin takes my cold hand in his and leads me to his apartment which true to his words are is literally just around the corner. He sits me down on his bed and runs off muttering something about getting me some water, I’m suddenly hit with a strong sense of déjà vu. He returns to the room and just as he turns around from setting the glass of water down on the bedside table, I throw myself at him my lips hungrily finding his. Now this is familiar territory, this is something I can focus on other than the ghost of Felix who seems intent on letting me know exactly how terrible I am. I feel Hyojin push me down onto my back his lips never leaving mine, his hands slowly creep up under my shirt or rather under Raesung’s shirt which I am wearing.  


***

The same nightmare causes my eyes to snap open and my heart to race, I feel warm arms around me holding me close. A brief second allows my mind to remember that I’m at Hyojin’s place and that we had an intense make out session before passing out while holding on to each other. I feel dirty like a cheap whore as I gather my things for the second time that night, a quick glance at the clock on the bed side table lets me know that its 3am.

I breathe a sigh of relief as the elevator doors close after I successfully snuck out of his apartment without being caught. I decide to fix my dishevelled appearance using my reflection in the elevator mirror. As I step out into the cold air, I decide that I need to go to the hospital to confront this whole mess, to see Felix, to fix everything, to put an end to this torment. My phone vibrates, its Jeongin, what the hell does this brat want now? Well at least he’ll make my trip to the hospital feel less lonely, so I answer the call.

“Hyung, you don’t have to say anything but just hear me out okay?”

“I’m listening.”

“My cousin he was one of the most popular guys in school along with his best friend.”, he continues, I shiver in the cold air. I should have borrowed Hyojin’s jacket.

“He did something bad and suddenly the whole school turned on him. He was forced to leave the school and he hurt his best friend terribly. Hyung, did you do something bad to Felix?”

“Er Jeongin loo-“

“No, I don’t need an answer. What I’m trying to say is, maybe you should talk to my cousin. It could help talking to someone who went through something that you’re currently going through.”

“Jeongin, thanks for the call I really appreciate it, you know what text me your cousins contact details and maybe I’ll give him a call tomorrow or something, but I gotta go.”, I reply, as I approach the hospital, its still some ways away but I need to gather my thoughts.

“Okay Hyung, just know that I’m here for you and that I’m always on your side even if it seems like I’m not.”

He hangs up after ending the conversation with a cryptic form of encouragement, ‘even when it seems like I’m not.’ What the heck is that supposed to mean. I can’t focus on that right now, I need to focus on how to get rid of this apparition of Felix that’s been following me around all day and maybe I need to come clean. I mean they do say people in coma’s can sometimes hear what’s going on around them. Everything inside the hospital is white pristine and clean, I almost don’t want to cross over the threshold.

The receptionist at the front desk eyes me warily as I make my way towards the elevators, so I can make my way to Felix’s room. I run through the plan in my head, I’m going to confess everything, about the wish, about my crush on Changbin, about Hyojin, about trying to kiss Changbin and most of all about how much I missed him. The elevator doors ding and open on the floor where Felix’s room is, the hallway is kind of dark most of the lights are off except for a select few and there’s no one around except for the nurse napping at the nurses station.

It seems to be even darker inside Felix’s room the only light coming from the numerous machines that fill the room with their beeping and ominous greenish blue glow. The steady rhythm of the breathing apparatus adds a new layer to the soundscape of the room. I approach his bed and take a hold of his hand and take a deep breath.

“Hi Felix, it’s me Ji, I got somethings to tell you.”

**BEEP BEEP WHOOOOOSH BEEP BEEP**

“For the longest time since last year I’ve had a massive crush on Changbin, that day when you confessed that you like Changbin and you thought I said that I like Chan. I lied when I agreed with you and it hurts Lix it really hurts when the two of you blow me off to hang out, my crush and my best friend.”

**BEEP BEEP WHOOOOOSH BEEP BEEP**

“I hated when you’d tell me about the things you and Changbin did on your dates and hated the fact that I became envious of my best friend. In fact, I became so envious that I wished for your life and the accident happened shortly after I made that wish, I’m so sorry Lix!”, I drop to my knees and the tears are streaming down my face.

**BEEP BEEP WHOOOOOSH BEEP BEEP**

“At the party the other night I tried to kiss Changbin, I tried to take your boyfriend what kind of trash person tries to steal their best friends boyfriend. Not only that I tried to, well I actually managed to accidentally ruin Minseok’s and Hyojin’s relationship, fuck I really am the worst, actually you know what I just came from his place!”

**BEEP BEEP WHOOOOOSH BEEP BEEP**

“For fuck sake can’t you do something other than beep at me! Fuck you Lix, fuck you…I really need you right now and here you are not giving a flying fuck about me. You’re lying here just beeping at me, mocking me! I haven’t gotten a proper nights sleep because you feel the need to invade my dreams and tell me how much of a fuck up I am and how terrible I am as a human being!”

**BEEP BEEP WHOOOOOSH BEEP BEEP**

“Even when I’m awake you still feel the need to constantly remind me about how terrible I am! What do you want! Do you wanna switch places would you rather I be the one lying there, and you can go about your perfect life with Changbin and forget all about me like you did on my birthday! Is that what you want! You want me to disappear like all those kids kept asking me to back before you came!”

**BEEP BEEP WHOOOOOSH BEEP BEEP**

“I cannot with this infernal beeping!”, I yell and lunge for the plug, desperate for the beeping to stop and desperate to hear Felix say it’s okay that he forgives me.

I freeze my hand on the plug what the fuck am I doing? If I pull this plug Felix will really be gone as in Felix will be dead. What the hell is wrong with me? I almost ended my best friends life as if putting him into a coma wasn’t enough. I really am as all those kids said dirty, tainted and unworthy of being called a human being, what kind of human being would consider taking a life, what kind of human being would attempt to kill their own best friend. I release my grip from the plug and as I start to pull my hand back, the door slams open.

“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING JISUNG!”, a voice roars and the person lifts me to my feet punches me square in the jaw and throws me across the room.

“Changbin-hyung, its not what it looks like, I promise! I wasn’t gonna pull the plug!”

“JUST GET THE FUCK OUT AND STAY AWAY FROM FELIX! GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE MAN OR SHOULD I BEAT THE SHIT OUTTA YOU AND YOU CAN EXIT THROUGH THE WINDOW?”

I scramble to my feet and rush out the door leaving my bag behind, I barely dodge the nurse that has woken up from all the commotion and is making her way to Felix’s room. I barrel past the elevators and towards the stairwell, I take the steps two at a time. Once I reach the ground floor, I race past the little gift store and into this tall kid and I’m knocked off my feet, stunned for a few seconds.

“Minsung are you okay?!”

“Yes, don’t worry Woojinnie-hyung.”

“Wait! Jisung is that you!? What are you doing here at this hour?”

I jump to my feet and continue as if ruler of hell himself was after me, I register later that Woojin was at the hospital and that must be the Minsung I knocked into. I dodge two more people and I’m out the door. I run and I run, my lungs are burning, my throat feels raw and my legs are throbbing but I continue to run. I run past the bus stop and across the empty road, I run down the steps into the subway. I run and jump over the turnstiles my foot catching on the top one, I come crashing down my chin hits the ground hard enough to make my teeth hurt. I get up again and run onto the platform, I run and I run, my chest feels like its about to burst but I continue running and I hop into one of the carriages of the only train currently in the station I have no idea where I’m going. As the train starts up and leaves the station, I register that my phone is ringing but I just drop the call. Jeongin! The name pops into my head like God himself was giving me a divine revelation, I open or text thread and see a new text from him, its his cousin’s contact details. I press on the number and choose the call option after a couple of rings a groggy voice answers.

“Hello is this Hwang Hyunjin? I’m a friend of Jeongin, he gave me your number and said you could possibly help me.”

***FIN***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> but this is definitely not the last chapter of this part, there's a bonus chapter coming up which will be from someone else's point of view and this chapter will have scenes from previous chapters as well as a scene which takes place shortly after the events of this chapter and (woah thats a lot of ands) there will be a part that contains a scene that was purposly left out. The last piece/chapter which will a teaser for part 2, i know part 2 might leave some frustrated but I assure you it's important to the overall plot.


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